A cellulite miracle?
I was reading through old articles from 1998 the other day, (because that’s how health boring I really am!) and came across what sounded like a homeopathic ‘miracle cure’ for cellulite. A combination of two tiny pillules, taken once daily for two days, and the writer stated that over the course of the next two weeks her cellulite melted away. No side effects of any kind and it simply never came back.
Too good to be true? Most probably. And when I googled, I immediately found another reader of the same article who disapproved of the theory entirely and stated that the two remedies, Rhus Tox and Apis, were inimical and therefore disturbed the ‘vital force’, the energy or chi, that keeps the body healthy. She had tried it she said; it made her feel unwell and had absolutely no effect on her cellulite. It wouldn’t on anyone else’s either!
I wiped it from my mind and continued with the research I had been working on, but for whatever rhyme or reason that ‘magic combination’ kept niggling at the back of my mind. As I understand homeopathic remedies, their efficacy is down to the particular make up and temperament of the patient, and the skill in prescribing of the practitioner. There is rarely middle ground: remedies usually either work for you, or they don’t.
What if this one had been accurately prescribed for the first individual but was not suited to the temperament of the second? What if it might after all work for cellulite - even for just a small percentage of us? Considering the sheer numbers of people affected, it could still be helpful for a vast number of cellulite sufferers. Even life-changing, bearing in mind the body image issues so many people have attached to their less than perfect thighs. What if thousands of us could walk proudly down the beach once more? Lumps and bumps gone, the proud owners of the smooth thighs of our youth, orange peel agony thrown to the winds?
What is cellulite?
Apparently 95% of us have cellulite. Just in different degrees. It comes from lack of circulation, sedentary jobs and not enough exercise, but is also hereditary and hormone linked. Processed foods and large quantities of sugar and dairy in your daily diet don't help.
And it’s not a simple condition either. Did you know there are different types of cellulite? Adipose cellulite is firm cellulite; a slight orange peel effect on loose skin. Oedematous cellulite is fluid retention - a softer cellulite, again found where there is loose skin. And fibrotic cellulite is hard, compact cellulite with a distinctive orange peel effect. There is a whole cellulite world out there that I knew nothing about.
You get graded as your cellulite develops. To work it out, stand in front of a mirror and make sure the light is bright, however unforgiving and frightening the experience may turn out to be.
What are the grades of cellulite?
Grade 1 – pinch an area of the skin on your upper thighs. No visible cellulite, you can breathe a huge sigh of relief.
Grade 2 – When you pinch your skin you see an orange peel effect. It will disappear if you lie down flat and can't really be seen when you are just standing and not pinching.
Grade 3 – You can see cellulite when you stand up, but not when you lie down.
Grade 4 - You can see cellulite whether you are standing up or lying down.
I have tried most of the cellulite remedies out there on behalf of my readers - firm Turkish massages by the dozen, endless thumping, bumping machines, gloopy sticky creams and scratchy coffee grounds. All of them seem to work to a certain degree, but stop your focus, even for a few months over one summer, eating pasta and drinking gin, and back it all seems to come with a vengeance. Like Prometheus, cellulite is an uphill struggle all the way and a lifetime commitment, however reluctantly. Depressing or what?
But what if this long lost recipe was after all the cellulite golden grail? What if I could gift the knowledge to the nation - indeed to the world - in a fashion similar to that of Tim Berners gifting us all the World Wide Web? The effect on mankind - in fact on womankind - would be as freeing. A suitable life purpose - something to have made my existence on the planet meaningful.
A worthy experiment most definitely, and so on behalf of us all I decided to take the cellulite plunge.
Would it have side effects? I did a homeopath ring round to see if I would be safe to experiment on myself at the very least. I talked to four different and very qualified experts and they were dubious to say the least. Very little chance of my success. All agreed on that, but that in any event taking the pills was unlikely to do me, and indeed anyone else, any harm. (Though bear in mind here that the second lady in the old article had reported herself feeling unwell…)
So heart in mouth, and praying hard to the cellulite Gods of every land, I swallowed my first night’s potions, slipping them under my tongue and praying intensely for them, as they rapidly dissolved, to start doing their thing.
So here I am two weeks later - and what do I have to report? In truth, sadly nothing at all. If I look in dimmer light, I can definitely persuade myself of a 50%ish improvement, but in the brighter light of day, I am not so sure. But certainly no side effects of any kind - an entirely painless experiment that cost less than a tenner to carry out. And might have been priceless.
Will it work for you?
No miraculously disappeared orange peel; no smoothed out hips and thighs - and the summer, and the need to get them tip top, is drawing ever closer. It didn’t work for me - but what’s not to say it won’t for you?
Homeopathic cellulite recipe - Rhus tox 6 and Apis 30. One of each pill for two nights in a row before bed. 10 days later 60-70 per cent of your cellulite may - or may not - be gone...
Might be worth your own experiment? Reports back to me on this one PLEASE!
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Written by health advocate Sara Davenport, founder of one of the UK's leading breast cancer charities, Breast Cancer Haven. With over twenty years' experience in holistic health, Sara's digital dose of wellness teaches you to listen to your body, tweak your lifestyle and improve your health.
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