I wrote all about cellulite and how to bash it last year, and offered up my top remedies for getting rid of the orange peel epidemic that stalks us all. But now, in America, I have just found something even better than the Beurer CM50 machine that I love. And as it takes focus and an accumulation of weeks to sort the problem, I thought now would be the time to bring it to your attention rather than later on in a more sunshiney part of the year.
It’s really hot in Florida at the moment. I have just been checking out some remarkable therapies and therapists, whose skills I will leave to write about at a later date. Everyone in the Sunshine State seems to wear shorts, and, as I was strolling down the street one morning I happened to notice that the back of several women’s legs were covered in bruises. Not a good look really, and slightly peculiar in the body conscious suburbs of Palm Beach. Over exercise? Clumsiness? Or something else entirely?
I picked a glowing sun tanned person with extensive markings on her legs, and followed her determinedly. I ended up sitting next to her on the beach (I know, effectively stalking, but with the very best intentions!) and probably not very tactfully, asked her what she had done to achieve this look? I do love Americans. Confronted by a total stranger definitely invading her personal space, she didn’t tell me to get lost, or ignore me entirely and hope I would just go away. Instead, she whipped out her beach bag and showed me a very odd ‘thing’ indeed. Somewhat mind boggled - and my mind was rapidly scanning all possible options for what on Earth it could possibly be - she seemed delighted to explain its revolutionary properties. It’s called the FasciaBlaster - and it’s a twenty first century solution to the age old worry about how to sort your cellulite lumps and bumps. Your Fascia are an intricate, multi-layered network of flexible, connective tissue that envelops and supports every muscle and organ in your body, weaving its wavy way absolutely everywhere inside you. It’s normally smooth and flat and strong, so why exactly do you need to blast it?
She explained that over-exercise, dehydration or accidents of any kind can damage the fascia, causing it to clump together in rigid tight bands that restrict your movement and can cause long term physical problems. Myofascial release is one way of releasing tension and blockages in the fascia; trigger point therapy another. But the FasciaBlaster you can use at home, effectively ironing out deep layers of knotty problems in your shower, flattening out that dimply cellulite peel look that we all try so hard to avoid.
And the bruises? Apparently everyone gets them the first few times you roll the Blaster firmly up and down your thighs. Make sure you oil the area first or even greater damage is likely to ensue. After a few sessions your muscles get used to the invasion and stop producing the dark splodges; a few sessions more and an unaccustomed smoothness appears in place of your accustomed lunar landscape. The Blaster also reduces scarring, improves your circulation and reduces pain.
What’s not to like (apart from the bruises obviously)? Vast container loads of FasciaBlasters, presumably from China, are flooding the USA, and you can watch endless YouTube videos extolling their virtues. I bought one - couldn’t resist - and have to say, with great sorrow, that it’s better than my old trusty favourite. It goes deeper, and can take more pressure. And I have to report, presumably because I already use the Beurer daily, that I didn’t suffer a single bruise in the process!